I don't use an Ad blocker because the algorithms need to tell my friends and relatives what I'm searching for around holidays so they'll fucking buy me what I want. Also, I haven't seen an ad for Nike in a decade. (I do not watch television.) Everything else is white noise washing over me, a hot summer wind.
Nice April Fools comment, but your "I'm so abject that I accept the commercial surveillance state because I love uncle-aunt treats so much!" malarkey won't trick me. I sense that you actually have some self-respect and couldn't possibly see yourself with such contempt. So Happy April Fools to you too!
"I need an 8,000 ton towing capacity" made me lol. Very tempting to write a response to this from the female perspective, maybe titled You're Using Apple Cider Vinegar the Wrong Way.
This year I am only watching commercials aimed at children... I have a terrible Frube habit that is almost impossible to shake, and all my clothes are unreasonably tight and cartoony. But life is good and my mum has never been so proud of my toilet habits.
The “I’m a man” refrain works—until it doesn’t. At a certain point, the repetition stops building tension and starts feeling like filler. Trimming it down would sharpen the impact.
The piece is strongest when it plays in ambiguity—when we’re not sure if the speaker is self-aware or trapped in delusion. But too often, the satire is so blunt it dulls its own edge.
The tone recalls a George Carlin-style monologue, veering toward stand-up. But the targets—celebrities, insurance ads, testosterone treatments—are familiar ground. So the question becomes: how do you make it new?
Right now, this feels like a character sketch in search of a narrative. We need to see this person in action—how they interact, fail, posture, break. Without movement or contrast, the piece loses steam fast. It’s not enough to tell us who he is. Let him show us. It’s safer to mock than to feel through him. As a result, the writing skims the surface of something deeper, maybe even darker, but never dives in. The satire stays external, observational, rather than coming from the inside out.
This is deranged in the best way—unhinged, hilarious, and dead-on. Like if DeLillo did sketch comedy while spiraling. The rhythm, the breakdown, the pain under the bit—chef’s kiss. You on quite the run, Namesake. I see you. Don't Stop while you hot, that's how Mase screwed up.
Very well done. This is the first of yours I’ve read and also listened too. As Erica said, the performance was very impressive. Love the style of the writing and it got a good laugh out of me.
do not eat the 90 calorie yogurt! Don't do it! It's full of crap. Get the full fat plain greek yogurt and put a big splotch of real maple syrup in it! So good for you.
I know I persist in trying to offer real solutions when you're writing satire. Just deal with it. Get the full fat greek yogurt and real maple syrup and shimmy away.
We watch alot of game show network in my house. Mostly because it isn’t any better than any other network. literally every single one of these commercials are played constantly. Oh the women’s version of this! Must add women’s magazines to that as well.
I hope you are feeding this into some AI/meta machine - what would chatGTP have to say? 🤔
I was wondering who on earth was buying all that stuff. So if I wear men's pants does that make me a man or am I just not watching enough telly? Well done, very silly and very upsetting.
Still trying to figure out how filing baby bottles with a caffeinated beverage is a turn on for your wife... but you are definitely the man!
I will send this comment to the lab for analysis.
🙏
I use an ad blocker so I'm not quite so you
I don't use an Ad blocker because the algorithms need to tell my friends and relatives what I'm searching for around holidays so they'll fucking buy me what I want. Also, I haven't seen an ad for Nike in a decade. (I do not watch television.) Everything else is white noise washing over me, a hot summer wind.
Nice April Fools comment, but your "I'm so abject that I accept the commercial surveillance state because I love uncle-aunt treats so much!" malarkey won't trick me. I sense that you actually have some self-respect and couldn't possibly see yourself with such contempt. So Happy April Fools to you too!
"I need an 8,000 ton towing capacity" made me lol. Very tempting to write a response to this from the female perspective, maybe titled You're Using Apple Cider Vinegar the Wrong Way.
This year I am only watching commercials aimed at children... I have a terrible Frube habit that is almost impossible to shake, and all my clothes are unreasonably tight and cartoony. But life is good and my mum has never been so proud of my toilet habits.
The “I’m a man” refrain works—until it doesn’t. At a certain point, the repetition stops building tension and starts feeling like filler. Trimming it down would sharpen the impact.
The piece is strongest when it plays in ambiguity—when we’re not sure if the speaker is self-aware or trapped in delusion. But too often, the satire is so blunt it dulls its own edge.
The tone recalls a George Carlin-style monologue, veering toward stand-up. But the targets—celebrities, insurance ads, testosterone treatments—are familiar ground. So the question becomes: how do you make it new?
Right now, this feels like a character sketch in search of a narrative. We need to see this person in action—how they interact, fail, posture, break. Without movement or contrast, the piece loses steam fast. It’s not enough to tell us who he is. Let him show us. It’s safer to mock than to feel through him. As a result, the writing skims the surface of something deeper, maybe even darker, but never dives in. The satire stays external, observational, rather than coming from the inside out.
This is a powerhouse spoken word piece, so good, Man.
This is deranged in the best way—unhinged, hilarious, and dead-on. Like if DeLillo did sketch comedy while spiraling. The rhythm, the breakdown, the pain under the bit—chef’s kiss. You on quite the run, Namesake. I see you. Don't Stop while you hot, that's how Mase screwed up.
Very well done. This is the first of yours I’ve read and also listened too. As Erica said, the performance was very impressive. Love the style of the writing and it got a good laugh out of me.
Why you talking shit about me 😂 well done man
Great story, now you need to find the right marketing agent to reach a wider market!
do not eat the 90 calorie yogurt! Don't do it! It's full of crap. Get the full fat plain greek yogurt and put a big splotch of real maple syrup in it! So good for you.
I know I persist in trying to offer real solutions when you're writing satire. Just deal with it. Get the full fat greek yogurt and real maple syrup and shimmy away.
I don't think I got paid for writing this...
Epic live read!
Love it, that distinct Futuro Flair™
We watch alot of game show network in my house. Mostly because it isn’t any better than any other network. literally every single one of these commercials are played constantly. Oh the women’s version of this! Must add women’s magazines to that as well.
I hope you are feeding this into some AI/meta machine - what would chatGTP have to say? 🤔
I was wondering who on earth was buying all that stuff. So if I wear men's pants does that make me a man or am I just not watching enough telly? Well done, very silly and very upsetting.
Yep. This about sums it up.