Just read this chapter. Cool vibe, fascinating world and natural-sounding information transfer as dialogue. Near-perfect pacing. Just when the reader’s eyes glaze over, the protagonist empathizes on queue and moves us to the next chunk. So skillful. Your hard work is noticed and appreciated! Plus: a creepy surprising twist at the end. Outstanding.
I love this world you are unveiling to the reader. I find the Elzi fascinating and the twist with Friar was great. Saru's behaviour at the beginning confused me until it revealed what her stunt with Eugene gave her. Well done. A great story unfolding here.
This universe is crazy - very cosmic horror, which I am all about. The aspect of competition between universes and the rituals bringing being more in line with them - completely awesome. I’m loving this big time.
Chapter 3 began to lose me, and with chapter 4, I’m now quite lost. This is mainly because of my tastes as a reader, so take what I say here with a grain of salt.
In chapter 3, meeting ElilE, I was hanging with the concept of the Gaespora, powerful quasi-human tech-and-pharma overlords with mysterious (nefarious?) motives. But the plot’s turn towards “gods” projecting themselves through “margins of similarity” into this reality was frankly an unwelcome complexity — a monkey wrench, really. It undercut this world I’ve been enjoying so much. I guess I just don’t like “there are vastly more powerful beings than you or I whose motives are impossible for mere mortals to comprehend, and those beings are responsible for most everything that’s fucked up about the world.” Yeah, it gives the story stakes, no denying that, but it turns ordinary people into bit players whose decisions don’t ultimately mean much, and for me this hollows out the potential to say anything very profound with the story, not just entertain.
But whatever. I was still interested enough to press on. Then there was Saru’s bad-girl behavior at the start of chapter 4. I get that she’s scared — I think a bit more than the story has yet justified — but she’s being a total ass, and someone with her experience — tough-as-nails detective, right? — ought to know the moment calls for self-control. It’s just hard to care about a character who, well, doesn’t seem to care.
And then there was the meeting with Friar. If anything, I thought he was going to bring the plot back down to earth: “Look, Saru, never mind ElilE’s mystical talk about ‘gods’ and planes of existence. Here’s what I know so far and what you’ll need to know, in plain terms.” Instead, Friar rambled. Big ol’ unfocused info dump. The more he did, the more confused I became about the relationships between everything — Gaespora, elzi, UausuaU, feasters, etc. It’s like you were trying to squeeze an encyclopedia of info out of him before taking him out of the story. Too much disclosure, too quickly, given the plot’s complexity. And finally, I was left wondering how Friar “went too far this time” and why it meant his demise, if that’s what we’re getting (?). In short, this chapter seemed to answer questions I didn’t need answered, at least not yet, and to leave unanswered the questions I did.
So I’m lost. In chapters 3 and 4, the world and plot have floated off into ever more abstraction. I’ll keep going, I guess, and hope things make more sense soon.
Sorry I haven’t given this the total thumbs-up, like the first chapter of Cloud Country. I don’t know if you want this depth of response — the beta-reader treatment — but I’m assuming you’d rather have this than empty fawning or my silent disappearance.
Just read this chapter. Cool vibe, fascinating world and natural-sounding information transfer as dialogue. Near-perfect pacing. Just when the reader’s eyes glaze over, the protagonist empathizes on queue and moves us to the next chunk. So skillful. Your hard work is noticed and appreciated! Plus: a creepy surprising twist at the end. Outstanding.
Thank you very much!
I love this world you are unveiling to the reader. I find the Elzi fascinating and the twist with Friar was great. Saru's behaviour at the beginning confused me until it revealed what her stunt with Eugene gave her. Well done. A great story unfolding here.
Thank you very much 🙏.
This universe is crazy - very cosmic horror, which I am all about. The aspect of competition between universes and the rituals bringing being more in line with them - completely awesome. I’m loving this big time.
Thank you so much 🙏. I'm glad you're picking up what I'm putting down.
Jeez man. I'm glad I'm reading this and not watching it. Had me hooked from the first word to the last. What a ride.
Thank you very much 🙏
Chapter 3 began to lose me, and with chapter 4, I’m now quite lost. This is mainly because of my tastes as a reader, so take what I say here with a grain of salt.
In chapter 3, meeting ElilE, I was hanging with the concept of the Gaespora, powerful quasi-human tech-and-pharma overlords with mysterious (nefarious?) motives. But the plot’s turn towards “gods” projecting themselves through “margins of similarity” into this reality was frankly an unwelcome complexity — a monkey wrench, really. It undercut this world I’ve been enjoying so much. I guess I just don’t like “there are vastly more powerful beings than you or I whose motives are impossible for mere mortals to comprehend, and those beings are responsible for most everything that’s fucked up about the world.” Yeah, it gives the story stakes, no denying that, but it turns ordinary people into bit players whose decisions don’t ultimately mean much, and for me this hollows out the potential to say anything very profound with the story, not just entertain.
But whatever. I was still interested enough to press on. Then there was Saru’s bad-girl behavior at the start of chapter 4. I get that she’s scared — I think a bit more than the story has yet justified — but she’s being a total ass, and someone with her experience — tough-as-nails detective, right? — ought to know the moment calls for self-control. It’s just hard to care about a character who, well, doesn’t seem to care.
And then there was the meeting with Friar. If anything, I thought he was going to bring the plot back down to earth: “Look, Saru, never mind ElilE’s mystical talk about ‘gods’ and planes of existence. Here’s what I know so far and what you’ll need to know, in plain terms.” Instead, Friar rambled. Big ol’ unfocused info dump. The more he did, the more confused I became about the relationships between everything — Gaespora, elzi, UausuaU, feasters, etc. It’s like you were trying to squeeze an encyclopedia of info out of him before taking him out of the story. Too much disclosure, too quickly, given the plot’s complexity. And finally, I was left wondering how Friar “went too far this time” and why it meant his demise, if that’s what we’re getting (?). In short, this chapter seemed to answer questions I didn’t need answered, at least not yet, and to leave unanswered the questions I did.
So I’m lost. In chapters 3 and 4, the world and plot have floated off into ever more abstraction. I’ll keep going, I guess, and hope things make more sense soon.
Sorry I haven’t given this the total thumbs-up, like the first chapter of Cloud Country. I don’t know if you want this depth of response — the beta-reader treatment — but I’m assuming you’d rather have this than empty fawning or my silent disappearance.